33 Comments
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Matthew J. Trask's avatar

Brilliant. Like a bite sized (sorry) Twilight Zone tale.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thank you! I love Rod Serling's stories. It wasn't a conscious goal, but I see what you mean 😁💜

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Matthew J. Trask's avatar

Felt very eerie in the best way! Looking forward to the next one!

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Newton Webb's avatar

Magnificent, especially for the limited word count.

Now, I fancy a second breakfast.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Yum yum yum!

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Jeanine Kitchel's avatar

Wow! Quite a story packed into those 400 words!!!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks Jeanine!

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Charlotte Henley Babb's avatar

I've been wondering how to write a non-Hallmark Mother's Day story. Thanks for a new perspective.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

:D You're very welcome!

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Artemis's avatar

This story was strange and unique in the best way! Some haunting imagery!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thank you!

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k stella errans's avatar

YIKES!!!!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

YEP! 😁

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the Void's avatar

Delightful read to pass my lunch break. Lol. Nice work.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Perfect timing 😁

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Bananers's avatar

Well there’s a story that keeps you wondering. I really wanted a visual of the scrumptious little nugget.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Slathered in ketchup? You fiend!

I typically don't add much protagonist description in my micro-fiction, particularly when I'm writing in first person. It's hard to slip in while feeling natural, and often I'm writing more about the situation than the person. Quite often I leave the gender open too, letting the reader imagine whoever they want/dread in the scene.

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Bananers's avatar

I was thinking more …a hazel nutty chocolate sauce. Bravo! I loved it. Your technique really involves the reader.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Well, now I'm just hungry 😅

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Simon K Jones's avatar

Wow.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks Simon - the response to this one has been really lovely!

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Ashlesha's avatar

Horrifyingly unsettling. I love it!

This has the makings of a short film

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks for the encouragement! The reaction to this one has been great - it certainly has got me thinking about adapting it to other media.

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Ashlesha's avatar

You definitely should. If not a short film then at least a polished audio story.

This was the first take I read of yours but if you've got more you can easily consider making ‘ The White Vault’ type audio podcast

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

I don't know them - I'll check it out.

I post a new micro-fiction most weeks (sometimes other horror-adjacent things), so there are quite a few on my stack already.

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Wendy Cockcroft's avatar

I love the way you flip the protective instincts into the urge to devour the baby. Gave me the chills!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks Wendy, glad I could give you a shiver! :D

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Parker McCoy's avatar

Wow, this poor guy has it rough. Hehe. Great story, Mata.

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks Parker. Yeah, definitely got dealt a bad hand (and leg, and torso...).

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Vince Roman's avatar

Loved this one!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Thanks Vince 💜

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Jared Lambert's avatar

Outta pocket horror in the best damn way!!!

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Mata Haggis-Burridge's avatar

Aw, thanks Jared 💜

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